There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so
The title of this article is out of Shakespeare's Hamlet and perfectly encapsulates the core Stoic belief that the quality and our happiness in life is determined to a very high degree by our value judgements.
Situations are most often out of our control . But the way we react to situations is in our control. This is not about - and this is contrary to the common misconception that Stoicism is about "not feeling your feelings", even suppressing the natural emotions we immediately feel (proto-passions) - but about changing the way we interpret them. Essentially: Feel the feeling, and then dealing with it and not escalating any distress you feel. It's about finding tranquility in the midst of struggling. Of finding beauty in even the most difficult of situations.
Amplifying common misfortunes into personal tragedies
We effect ourselves and the perception (or our feelings) about a situation by how we articulate it. Talking about an occurrence in a certain way can augment the underlying emotion, and in some cases even cause it. We are constructing a reality for ourselves which may be disconnected from actual reality. We want to instead partake in cognitive distancing, in which try to move ourselves into a more objective space by creating space to a situation.
Grief is light when opinion does not exaggerate it. Unfortunately, we often choose to build a second story onto our sorrow by pitying ourselves for our hardships. You don’t always get to choose the load, but you can choose how to carry it.
Being mindful of where you have agency
I've written before about being mindful of your locus of control. I wrote about accountability and to reflect on all opportunities with the question of: "What could I have done better?". I still believe this to be a healthy excercise, but Stoics warn that we should not forget our dichotomy of control - differentiating between what actually is and is not in our control.
My proposal was more of a mental excercise. Of course outcomes are not completely under our control. We must accept that we alone cannot influence entire outcomes, but remain unperturbed by this (what Marcus Aurelius called the reserve clause). Allocating energy to outcomes we cannot change is a waste - not a wise investment - of time. We must know when we have agency or when we are a spectator and learn to not overextend our sphere of responsibility. You can groan about a inconvenient or bad outcome, just be sure to leave it at that and not dwell on something that is unchangable. The realization about how little we have control over can either be overwhelmingly crippling, or it can be freeing.
Amor Fati: gratitude and accepting your destiny
In a previous post I've written about how unlikely your life is and how changing perspectives can go a long way in finding sensitivity for what we have.
Over 100 years ago Nietzsche wrote about "amor fati", the love of one's fate, who propogated to "not merely bear what is necessary, still less conceal it… but love it.” Marcus Aurelius wrote in a similar vein nearly 2000 years earlier by stating that "a blazing fire makes flame and brightness out of everything that is thrown into it".
It is certainly easier said than done to view all occurrences in this light. But it something that can be trained, and I can report from experience that I more often experience a case of meta anger: being angry about the fact that I'm angry. At the end of the day: What other choice do you have then to be at peace with what occurs and instead look to the future? I am endlessly grateful for life, and accept that things will remain ever-changing.
Thinking about our thinking is our USP
What seperates mankind from the animal kingdom is our ability to think rationally and evaluate our thoughts, feelings and urges without acting on them without second thought. The ability to act rationally and make decisions consciously is known to the Stoics as the ruling faculty.
When something happens it is not possible to switch off the intial proto-passions that we feel reflexively. But if we assent or reject to the initial impression is squarely in our control. We make the choice to view something as good or bad - it is not a predetermined natural cirmcumstance.
Life is unpredictable. There’s so much we have no control over. No matter what happens, we always have the capacity to use the evolutionary gift of reason and make choices. I truly believe that every human has the capacity for both good and evil. We should always try to do the right thing.