Owning Your Truth With Core Principles
Principles are fundamental truths that serve as the bedrock of our behavior—deeply held convictions that guide our actions and decisions. They are heuristics that can be applied again and again, becoming a compass and offering a tool set for dealing with different situations. We are confronted with an avalanche of new situations on a daily basis, and without principles we would need to react to them as if we were experiencing them for the first time. Drawing from principles enables us to navigate novel situations with wisdom and confidence. Much like how engineering systems gracefully degrade to predetermined fallbacks when encountering unexpected scenarios, our principles serve as our mind's custom failsafe protocol.
Principles emerge from various wellsprings—passed down through family wisdom, inspired by mentors who've shaped our path, or forged in the crucible of personal experience. The crucial element is authenticity—your principles must be a genuine reflection of your core values, radiating outward through your actions and decisions. My own principles crystallized through deliberate reflection on both triumphs and setbacks, coupled with deep introspection about the values I aspire to embody. When you possess principles you root your decisions in, then you can endure the criticism that comes your way. I cultivate an entire Notion page dedicated to principles. I'll share some core tenets in this post. Ray Dalio wrote an excellent book on principles, and my most important principles lean heavily on his thoughts, while simultaneously having been carefully filtered through the lens of my own experience.
Realism: Accept reality and deal with it
It is one of the biggest traps in life to get hung up on how you wish reality was, instead of dealing with the reality at hand. I see this phenomenon regularly in business, where people attempt to cherry pick data and shoehorn the facts in a way that fits their agenda or narrative (confirmation bias) and supporting initiatives they want to be true (desirability bias). Or to deny or defer acknowledging the existence of a problem because it creates additional work. Do not deny reality because it is inconvenient for you. It is a natural instinct to avoid potentially uncomfortable situations, but if you change your mindset from one where you encounter a challenge with anxiety to viewing it with curiosity and as an opportunity to grow, you will gain the chance to personally develop.
This does not mean you shouldn’t dream big dreams, but you are doing yourself a disservice if they are not rooted in reality. Being an idealist striving for an unreachable goal causes setbacks, not progress.
Don’t confuse what you wish were true with what is actually true.
Accountability and Extreme Ownership: Be accountable and 100% own your outcomes
We as humans are wired to avoid painful paths. But it is exactly these experiences that mold us profoundly. There is no growth in the comfort zone. An undeniable reason for the avoidance of these hardships is to circumvent failure. When failure does arise, the temptation to look for the root cause externally is very seductive, but this is a misguided defensive mechanism. By not reflecting on how you may have contributed to the outcome you are not just foregoing an opportunity to better yourself, but also surrendering control and your sense of agency.
If you are accountable and take responsibility for the things that happen to you - both good and bad - you are taking control, as the master of your own destiny and someone who is not at the mercy of the world surrounding you. Psychologists describe the feeling of empowerment and influence on outcomes as the internal locus of control - something strengthened by a high degree of accountability and ownership.
I was the kid who in school always searched for explanations of my failures externally. Poor exam results were - of course - the result of a poor teacher. Or bad luck on the questions that ended up being asked. In other words: I had a very poor locus of control. Developing this mindset has been transformative in my journey as both a parent and business professional. It is a good feeling to know that finding personal happiness rests entirely on my own shoulders.
There are always lessons to be learnt from reflecting on your decisions and on how they contributed to an outcome. It is a healthy exercise, even if the outcome is far out of your control or the result of a freak accident. You will find opportunities to hone decision-making if you seek them. Being accountable does not equal beating yourself up when you are wrong or you messed up. I learn much more from my defeats than my from victories. What I want at the end of my life is just one more victory than defeat.
It is especially true in leadership: Effective leaders don't place blame on others and point fingers. When mistakes happen, they are acknowledged, ownership is taken and corrections made to upgrade performance
The more comfortable you are with your shortcomings and failures, the more comfortable you will become with yourself. I’m speaking from experience.
Humility: Be humble and reflect on yourself with blunt honesty
Learning to deal with criticism and being completely transparent with yourself about your strengths and weaknesses has been a game changer for me. Getting into arguments or being criticized once triggered a rush of blood and defensive emotions: amygdala hijacking. Dealing with the emotional input from amygdala and putting these emotions on a leash is the necessary prerequisite to extract the best possible conclusions from the advice given by others. I have moved away from the obsession to be correct, and towards an obsession of truthseeking. Feedback and counsel is the best tool available to better yourself, and it should be actively sought instead of brushed aside. If you are criticized, assume first that it's correct. Allow yourself to digest the information, and affirm or deny if there is truth to the feedback. Improving through feedback is the primary motivator for me stepping drastically out of my comfort zone and putting my ideas out there through this blog.
Being radically transparent with yourself but also to others about your ideas, strengths and weaknesses is a brave step because it opens and invites criticism. Putting yourself out there doesn’t feel great, but you will pick up knowledge which would otherwise have been unattainable. And you will always have feedback and the confirmation that your idea has actual merit and you are not falling victim to blind spots or false beliefs.
Acknowledging weaknesses is completely different from surrendering to them, and it is a senseless perception to think that you should know all the answers to everything at all times. This humbleness is an attribute I find oft missing in the world. Knowing you are lacking a skill and possess the humility to ask for assistance is just as important as having the skill yourself. Humility stands as the cornerstone of effective leadership—enabling leaders to fully acknowledge their limitations, actively solicitate counsel from others, and lead with authentic modesty rather than arrogance.